My friends, where have you been? What took you so long to arrive? I have been waiting forever for you. I see the sporadic visitor here and there, but why on Earth have you been avoiding me? It’s not like I have given you a reason to skip this establishment. I serve lols and good thoughts. GOOD THOUGHTS. I just haven’t served them in three months. Whatever.
This is definitely one of those moments where I am projecting my disappointment at myself on you guys, so please don’t take it to heart. Stephanie Tanner didn’t mean it, and neither do I. You are lovely people. Yes, YOU gorgeous. I appreciate and love you, so much so that I insist that you be a complete dork like me and watch the entirety of Zane Lowe’s interview with Jay Z. There are just so interesting tidbits about the production of his latest album, Magna Carta Holy Grail, Hov’s strategic approach to the growth of Roc Nation, and even talk of a potential Mr. and Mrs. Knowles-Carter tour. The real selling point though, as expressed by my mother after his show with Justin Timberlake last week, is “He’s got such a lovely smile!”
I know. I am a great gift giver.
I guess what all my rambling is leading up to here is that I am sorry for being absent, but my time spent as an unemployed bum is surprisingly busy, and even more surprisingly, not busy with nachos and 2pm wake up times. It’s been busy doing things like going to the movies without being stressed about a paper I need to get going on. Chatting with my momma about life and love and Damon Salvatore, who is her life and love these days. Trying to figure out if Yeezus is sacrilegious because of its title, its content, or just its existence, period. Pretending to be a health freak and baking with natural sweet goodness.
Not to brag, but this was pretty damn good.
And then there’s stuff like this. Big ish. Graduation. Moving. Loss. Helplessness. Changes. The sudden realization that adulthood does not care that you are not ready to engage with its crazy ways because it will slowly, but surely, implant itself into your life like the words “We like to party; dancing with Miley.” …and yeah, she’s right. It won’t stop. It can’t stop.
But you know what? That’s perfectly okay. I mean, it doesn’t mean that things are okay all the time, but it doesn’t mean they won’t be okay. And such a lesson extends to all other aspects of my life, particularly in the job category. It has proven to be difficult to trust your gut amidst random alerts that you missed ten turn signals and are failing to reach some preconceived milestones that you were supposed to plan for immediately after the pen was placed down on your exam table one last time. I am not ignoring these directions; I am just altering them a little bit.
I still have goals and ambitions and dreams. As crazy as it sounds, I truly believe that spending my summer chasing rappers in Toronto, attempting pilates and moving around from one home to another will help me achieve those goals and ambitions and dreams. I am not quite sure how, but it will be worth it. Being here, in this moment, doing things that make me happy and in some ways make me more contemplative, more considerate, and more focused, will get me where I want to be. I am living the makings of Kerouac novels. Well, I think. I have never actually read a Kerouac novel. I have also been sitting on my couch all day because I pulled my calf muscles in my left leg.
But once I get over that, I AM GOING PLACES. Deep, inspirational, Kerouac-like places.
Well, maybe. I am not really sure that taking time off is exactly a triumphant tale, but here’s to hoping that down the road, it will be. For now I can say with complete confidence that this summer is exactly what I wanted it to be, and what I needed it to be in this instant. Just enjoying life, making memories, you know, the stuff of a Hallmark card. I like to think of it as personal productivity, and I think it will help me be more satisfied with a 9 to 5 lifestyle, whenever I get to that point. Until then, I will continue to watch Comic-Con panel videos, conduct research on intellectual property as it pertains to film studios and adaptations, go to concerts, bake, reconnect with friends, and soak in what it is to be 23 without having to wait for Taylor Swift to make a manual/hit song. Speaking of songs, listen to this one by AlunaGeorge.
And I mean, winning a contest to get floor tickets to a Beyonce concert has go to be some cosmic indication that I am doing something right…right?
Save for Stephanie Tanner, the rest of the photos used in this post are the property of Mehek Seyid.